This is so exciting!

You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before.

Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?

She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!

go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be?

He could never get a woman like that in a million years.

you could be one of those guys.

I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you.

Maybe they wanna sign me!

Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.

No, I'm still married.

So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?

What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday.

I could do that.

Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.

But I'm not gonna do that.

Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?

What was that?

Tell me why you did this again?

Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not.